Is Family Mediation Right for Me?

Is Family Mediation Right for Me?

When you choose the right mediator, your chances of a successful outcome increase manifold. So, getting this right is essential.

Mediation offers an affordable way to reach an agreement. It’s less stressful than going to court and can help you move forward quickly and amicably. This is particularly important if you have children and must continue your co-parenting relationship.

In mediation, you can work out a resolution tailored to your family’s needs. Unlike correspondence between lawyers, it can help avoid miscommunication or misunderstanding because you can talk to each other directly (where appropriate).

So, if you’re considering mediation and want to know if it’s right for you, ask yourself the following questions.

What do you want for your family?

For the majority, separating couples want a fair outcome with minimum fuss and expense. They want to spend time with their children, be actively involved with their daily routines, where practicable, and make special memories. But above all, they want happy, healthy children who are thriving. Consistency, stability, and reduced conflict, in your parenting arrangements will set your children up to become well-adjusted adults in the future.

Most want to achieve a fair and equitable outcome for property matters and feel safe knowing they and their children will be financially okay.

Whilst a court process may produce a “fair” result (or at least one party will see it that way and the other won’t), it will never let you have it all.

The time and expense involved in a court process are significant factors for not wanting to go down that path, but importantly, a court process is likely to destroy and not preserve relationships. This is especially important if you have children together and need to co-parent. After all, you will have to communicate in one way or another until your youngest child reaches 18.

The law recognises this and, for that very reason, requires that anyone wishing to apply for Parenting or Financial Orders (except by way of Consent Orders or if exceptions apply) must make a genuine effort and attend mediation before making an application.

Of course, you can’t force someone into mediation, but the court will consider this when deciding whether the party who refused to participate should pay the costs of the party who had to issue proceedings.

Mediation could be your answer if you want to achieve fair outcomes, which you and your ex-partner have control over and do not want the lawyers or courts involved.

How well do you communicate with your ex-partner?

We understand that when relationships break down, communication often does too. No one likes having difficult conversations at the best of times, and when there is a lot at stake, emotions run high, which becomes problematic.

This is where a skilled and experienced mediator is invaluable. They can draw upon their experience to break down the issues in neutral terms and open the lines of communication, help you generate options, negotiate, and ultimately reach a sustainable agreement.

Mediations often result in parties being able to communicate better and avoid future misunderstandings. Many clients tell us their co-parenting relationship is back on track after our involvement. If you are already communicating well – then all the better!

How committed are you to staying out of court?

If you come to mediation without legal representation, you will need a 3-hour session to resolve discrete issues.  For example, how much time each parent spends with the child or how the mortgage payments will be paid whilst a long-term property settlement is obtained.

If you are looking at reaching a comprehensive agreement sufficient to turn that agreement into a parenting plan or consent order, you will require at least two 3-hour sessions. Sometimes, booking a 6-hour session is preferable to keep the momentum and progression of discussions towards a resolution.

Lawyer-assisted mediations are often one-off events of 3 or 6 hours. This is because your lawyer will have done some preparation for your case and the mediation before attending.

The amount of time you need will depend on the number of issues that require resolution, how entrenched each person’s position is and how complex the dispute is. Those committed to staying out of court are committed to mediation and are prepared to engage genuinely.

Mediation can be challenging, but bailing out when the going gets tough is not the answer. Mediation should not be seen as a one-off event but more of a series of sessions, which results in sustainable, long-term agreements that are best for your family.

If you bail out early, you are more likely to end up in a court process or risk future conflict by leaving issues unresolved.

Are you worried about facing your ex-partner in mediation and discussing the issues?

Some clients worry about joining mediation and talking directly with their ex-partners about the issues. This is understandable. It takes enormous courage to sit in a room with your ex-partner and take ownership of the problems that require resolution and how to move forward.

Experienced mediators are specially trained and well-versed in communication difficulties, so they can help you highlight areas causing problems in your communication.

This is particularly useful for parents as there will always be issues around children that come up. It could be to do with schooling or a medical issue or how you approach providing support for your children with a situation they’re finding difficult. Communicating well with each other will greatly support you to be your best co-parents.

If resolving the conflict together is too challenging, the mediator may start the mediation with a shuttle mediation and move it towards a joint – session, or vice versa. And that’s the beauty of mediation; it’s flexible and can be tailored specifically towards the parties’ needs, unlike a court process.

Do you have any safety concerns for you, your children, or anyone else?

If you have concerns about the suitability or mediation, your safety or well-being, then raise this with the mediator. A mediator will only bring parties together if it is safe.

Whether mediation is suitable will depend on the circumstances. If it is unsuitable, the mediator will inform you and provide information about your options. The mediator may even consider that the mediation can proceed as a shuttle mediation.

We understand that not all matters are suitable for mediation and that you may require legal representation or need a family court to decide for you. This typically happens if there has been extensive family or domestic violence or if the matter is urgent. Talk to us if you need information about how to go about this. As family lawyers and mediators, we are best placed to tell you what you need to do. For details about our legal service, visit aroralegal.com.au.

Do you think your ex-partner is narcissistic and that mediation won’t work?

Resolving essential issues such as child custody and finances can be challenging at the best of times, but mediating with a narcissist comes with its unique challenges.

Our experience shows that there are several ways in which a narcissist will make it harder to reach a resolution. These include – seeing the mediation as a competition they must win rather than negotiate and find a solution. Twisting the truth to meet their narrative and changing it as the mediation progresses. Or they play the victim, needing to be always right.

In all fairness, mediating with a narcissist is more challenging. But with the right mediator with plenty of experience dealing with these personalities, mediation can result in resolutions.

Mediation works for many families, so there is no reason why it won’t work for you! Our mediators specialise in resolving disputes, fostering healthy communication, and finding solutions for everyone.